18 Ways To Tell A Guy “No” Besides “No”

You’re walking down the street, enjoying the sunshine, you’re at the bar waiting on your drinks, you’re in the dairy aisle looking for yogurt, or you’re simply minding your own business. We’ve all been there… been preoccupied with other things… enjoying ourselves. But you get interrupted by a guy asking about your day, asking your name, asking for your number.

You’re not interested. Or you’re not really in the mood. Or you have a beautiful loving significant other waiting for you at home. All you have to do is tell him, “No. Thank You.” And you can be on your merry way. Ah, but if only it were that simple.

He doesn’t care if you, say no. He loves a challenge. Even if you have kids or a boyfriend, these are merely speed bumps on his road to Love Town. Husband? Challenge accepted. Lesbian? Double challenge accepted.

So what’s a girl to do?

Here are 18 things to say and do that will kill a mood so fast that guy will wish he never even said hello.

  1.  I’m sorry, but I recently contracted [insert sexually transmitted disease here], and the doctor says it’s going to be six months before I can have sex again.
  2. I no longer have a vagina. I’m just bare.  It’s sort of like a Barbie doll down there.
  3. Hey! I know you! We’re cousins.
  4. *Scream. Just scream really loud and for a really long time*
  5. Oh my gosh. I slept with your dad.
  6. Oh my gosh I slept with your mom.
  7. It’s coming! Where’s the nearest bathroom?! Hurry. I can’t hold it.
  8. My boyfriend just got out of prison for attempted murder. But I’m sure he would love to meet you.
  9. If I give you my number, can I have a sample of your sweat?
  10. I’m having my brother’s baby right now so I’m just too preoccupied to go out with anyone.
  11. *If you are fluent in another language, begin speaking it*
  12. You’re the perfect specimen for our experiment. I can’t wait to tell Dr. Thorpe.
  13. *Don’t blink*
  14. *If wearing wig or extensions, take off and begin to pet and whisper ‘shhh’*
  15. *Talk in a baby voice*
  16. *Pick your nose and then inspect closely what comes out*
  17. *Pretend you’re a car alarm*
  18. *Facetime your mom and tell her that you found someone willing to marry you*



How To Avoid Overpaying At The Auto Shop

When I moved to Maryland, I thought that it was time that I make a grown up decision and get my own car. Living in a new city by yourself, you need accessibility. And although the DMV area is far better with public transportation than any place I’ve ever lived before, you never know when you’ll need a quick getaway. It was time for me to put on my big girl pants and purchase a car.


After consulting my older brother, mom, best friend’s dad, coworkers, uber drivers, and

pretty much any one who was willing to be my motor vehicle encyclopedia, I finally
settled on a 2014 Chevrolet Cruze. I named him Dracarys, Khaleesi’s command for her dragons on Game of Thrones because he’s a bright fiery red.

A few weeks ago, I was leaving my boyfriend’s apartment. I opened the car door, stuck my key in the ignition, and that terrible sputtering noise filled the car. My boyfriend’s dad is mechanic so he knew exactly what to do. I sat their like a sack of sprouting potatoes devastated by little Dracarys’s sudden impairment.

He jump started the car, and we immediately took him to AutoZone to get the battery tested by a technician. The battery is fine. It’s the alternator. (WTF is an alternator?) We took Dracarys to my boyfriend’s dad. Oh, yeah, it’s the  alternator. (Wow. this alternator, huh?)

So I schedule an appointment with CarMax, the company that sold me the car. They couldn’t see me for a week, which sucked being without my baby for a whole seven days. When I arrived for my appointment, I told the CarMax consultant that I took it to two places that said the problem with my car was the alternator. The voltage was too high and draining my battery. (Homegirl did her research…. and just repeated everything she had been told like a parrot by the actual professionals.)

The consultant told me that worked perfectly with my warranty. I would only have to pay the $50 deductible. He tried to upsell me on a new battery, which my warranty didn’t cover, but they said that they would run the diagnostic tests and get to work. This is when everything turned to sh*t.

The consultant kept coming back to me with higher and higher dollar amounts, until he came back to me with a whopping $249. Okay, so $249 doesn’t seem like a lot, but compared to the $50 I was initially told, it was a lot. Also, I don’t have $249 lying around. My phone screen is shattered, and I refused to get it fixed. If I’m not paying $45 for a dude at a mall kiosk to fix my phone, there’s no way in hell I could pay $249 for homeboy to fix my car.

I told the man that the price was too high and asked what happened to my deductible? He said that because the battery is “natural wear and tear”, my warranty doesn’t cover it. He said he could get it down to a little less than $200 since I bought the car less than a year ago. But that wasn’t good enough.

Wear and tear? The car is only 4 years old, and I purchased it less than a year ago. That’s not my wear and tear! And two other professionals told me that the alternator was the issue, not the battery. It only has 25,000 miles on it, most of which were not made by me. This is not adding up.

I was stressed and overwhelmed and on the verge of tears because I’ve had financial issue after financial issue, and this was not going to be another one. He wanted to charge me $70 for a diagnostic test, which I said was absurd. I told him that I would not pay anything more than $50. I paid my deductible, grabbed my keys and left.

Later that day, I wrote a strongly worded letter to CarMax and got the price dropped down to $120. (Nobody puts Baby in a corner).

I honestly shouldn’t even have to pay anything more than $50, but I took what I could get, and I would call that that a win.

This whole experience has really had me thinking about knowing my car and knowing what you need when you walk into an auto place. Especially as a woman, we get walked all over in these AutoShops because men believe that we don’t know what we’re talking about and that they can pull a fas one over on us (consciously or not).

So I came up with some tips that I think that helped me avoid being manipulated by the CarMax consultant my first go around that would be helpful to any woman in my position.

Know your car

Know the year, make, model, engine, wheels, mileage, all of that. Any gap of knowledge is room for the mechanic or technician to fill. And most of the time they don’t have your best interest at heart.

Always have someone on deck

When I first bought my car, I made sure that I went on a day that my brother was off of work so that I could call him. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone else who thinks of follow up questions that you don’t think of in the moment.

Be confident in what you want

If you’re going in for an oil change, you’re going in for an oil change. There probably is a lot of other sh*t that’s wrong with your car, but it’s still functional, right?

Ask questions

Don’t accept things as they are.  Sometimes mechanics will say things expecting you not to ask a follow up question. Ask for clarity.

Learn how cars work

At the end of the day, mechanics do know what they are talking about, and they may point out problems with your car that could lead to serious problems, maybe even serious accidents. It’s your job to discern the BS from the genuine. So pay close attention to what the mechanic tells you and then consult the internet.

It’s okay to walk away

You’re not being rude or disrespecting the man’s craft if you say you’re going to take it somewhere else or think about it or get a second opinion. It’s your money and your car. Also, when you walk away, the price suddenly becomes lower, and the conditions of the service become drastically different.


Last Week You Said That Men Are Trash and Now You Got a Man: Dismantling the patriarchy in a healthy and loving relationship

Your resident expert in f**kboy-ology got a man. Yup. You heard right. I left the life of sleeping diagonal and an unwaxed body for cuddles and emotional support.

And let me just say, it’s not that bad. Correction. It’s pretty great. I always have someone to go to the movies with, someone who listens to me bemoan the troubles of my day, and someone who ignites a fiery passion in me that is just too explicit to discuss on this blog.

If you’ve been following along with me on my dating journey, you will know that I have not had the best luck with men. I have a zero tolerance for the absolute f**kery that men (and those who uphold and support said f**kery of men) put us through.

I am a feminist in every sense of the word. A womanist truly. And the guys I’ve dated have not supported or been good representatives of my beliefs and values and as such, I’ve projected those past traumas onto potential boyfriends.

And that’s just not healthy at all.

Yeah, keeping a guard up at all times will keep you protected. But it doesn’t allow any opportunity to be truly loved by another person.

But let’s face it . The patriarchy is not in retrograde. And the performance of toxic masculinity is at an all time high.

So what does that mean for the dating scene?

Should you commit to a life of abstinence and lock yourself away in a tower waiting for an unproblematic Prince Charming?

No. Please don’t do that. That sounds depressing.

Continue to date and be open to love, but remember your worth. Be transparent about your values. And don’t sacrifice parts of  yourself because you think, “Well, damn. This is as good as it’s gonna get.”

There are men who have ditched their macho man facades and are comfortable in their own masculinity and are not threatened because you’re comfortable in your femininity.

If you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything.

I was really contemplating whether or not I wanted to blog about the inauguration. I like to think of my blog as more of a lighthearted and fun space, and there’s absolutely nothing fun about the man who will be occupying office (for at least what I am hoping is only) the next four years. However, I feel as a  politically and socially aware black woman, I must say something.

I haven’t been marching in the streets for a variety of valid reasons, but I don’t think people should be knocked for doing so. Protesting is probably the single most American thing you could ever do. It is not only your legal right, but your moral right. So exercise it, if you feel called to do so.

With that being said, I want to remind everyone that protesting doesn’t always look like marching in the streets. In 1960, Ruby Bridges, who was only six years old at the time, was the first black student to attend an all-white public elementary school in the South. She spent the entire first day of school in the principal’s office because so many parents had pulled their children out of class and teachers refused to teach her. However, one woman, Mrs. Henry, stepped up to the plate and taught Ruby. Most days it was only Ruby and Mrs. Henry in class because white parents did not want their children in the same classroom as this brilliant black girl. And Ruby faced taunting and tormenting everyday. But Ruby was an activist long before she could even understand the concept.

As for Ruby’s family, Ruby’s father lost his job. They were banned from their grocery store. And her grandparents were kicked off the land they farmed for 25 years. But they found community from black and white parents who sent their children to Ruby’s school making things a little better and moving forward with integration. They still felt encouraged and hopeful in even such terrible times. Going to school. Getting an education. That was their protest.

I think it’s beautiful that people want to march. And we have justifiable reason to march. Your voice can be a very powerful tool. We just need something to complement the marching, something to come after it’s all done. Who is going to be our Ruby Bridges? And what is our Ruby Bridges standing for? Don’t let marching be the only thing that you do. Your activism is far greater.