Why do straight men have such a problem with trans women?

In my most recent post, I discussed comments made by Victoria Secret’s chief marketing officer Ed Razek who suggested trans and plus size women can’t sell fantasy. Folks from all communities rallied to the frontlines of social media to prove Razek wrong and demonstrate the many ways in which trans and plus size women  have revolutionized the beauty and fashion game.

Among those people, is openly trans makeup artist and beauty guru Nikita Dragun. In a recent tweet, she posted an open letter to Victoria Secret that trans women can sell “fantasy”.

There is no doubt that Nikita embodied the image of a Victoria Secret Angel. She’s beautiful, radiant, and glowing. The tweet garnered lots of support and love from her fans.

As a YouTube Star, Nikita often shares makeup tutorials and storytime videos. On November 21st, 2018, Nikita posted a video sharing some of her troubles and how she was kicked out of a famous rapper’s party for being a trans woman.

Nikita never names the rapper, but she does express the frustration she felt for being asked to leave the party.

Since Nikita has experienced a surge of popularity for her response to Victoria Secret, the story time video took to Twitter, and users’ comments were less than kind. One user named @cashmerejOnez shared the following:


The tweet received over 90,000 likes, over 35,000 retweets, and countless comments in agreement. Unfortunately, like often on the internet, these several thousand people missed the point.

So where do I begin?

First, let’s start with the obvious. There are tons of straight men that want to have sex with trans women. Pornhub has an entire section dedicated to transwomen. It wouldn’t exist if somebody wasn’t interest in having sex with trans folk. Also, if @cashmerejOnez had actually watched Nikita’s video, he would have learned that the rapper rolled down his window to holler at Nikita and get her number.

The fact that Nikita was kicked out of the party is simply indicative of the shame straight men have for being attracted to trans women. As such, they take out their own self hatred onto the trans person and shame and belittle and isolate them to reaffirm all things toxically masculine about themselves.

Two, how does accepting an invitation to a party mean that you are interested in having sex? If I were invited by my gorgeous model friend to a party hosted by a famous rapper, I’m not saying no. Nikita didn’t seek the rapper out, throw herself onto him and demand him to have sex with her. She was literally existing and minding her own damn business.

Lastly, trans women don’t always want you, fellas. Cis women don’t always want you. Gay men don’t always want you. Why do you always think that you are sexually desired by others and you have to reject them to reassert yourself as a man?

Yes, you are completely entitled to sleep with whoever you want to, but the issue here isn’t that Nikita wanted to have sex with a rapper and was rejected. The issue is that she was at a party attended by hundreds and asked to leave because she was trans.

Men, here’s a bit of information in case you’re unaware. It’s not always about you. Stop shaming others because you are uncomfortable with who you are. The existence of a person within your vicinity does not threaten your masculinity.