You’re walking down the street, enjoying the sunshine, you’re at the bar waiting on your drinks, you’re in the dairy aisle looking for yogurt, or you’re simply minding your own business. We’ve all been there… been preoccupied with other things… enjoying ourselves. But you get interrupted by a guy asking about your day, asking your name, asking for your number.
You’re not interested. Or you’re not really in the mood. Or you have a beautiful loving significant other waiting for you at home. All you have to do is tell him, “No. Thank You.” And you can be on your merry way. Ah, but if only it were that simple.
He doesn’t care if you, say no. He loves a challenge. Even if you have kids or a boyfriend, these are merely speed bumps on his road to Love Town. Husband? Challenge accepted. Lesbian? Double challenge accepted.
So what’s a girl to do?
Here are 18 things to say and do that will kill a mood so fast that guy will wish he never even said hello.
- I’m sorry, but I recently contracted [insert sexually transmitted disease here], and the doctor says it’s going to be six months before I can have sex again.
- I no longer have a vagina. I’m just bare. It’s sort of like a Barbie doll down there.
- Hey! I know you! We’re cousins.
- *Scream. Just scream really loud and for a really long time*
- Oh my gosh. I slept with your dad.
- Oh my gosh I slept with your mom.
- It’s coming! Where’s the nearest bathroom?! Hurry. I can’t hold it.
- My boyfriend just got out of prison for attempted murder. But I’m sure he would love to meet you.
- If I give you my number, can I have a sample of your sweat?
- I’m having my brother’s baby right now so I’m just too preoccupied to go out with anyone.
- *If you are fluent in another language, begin speaking it*
- You’re the perfect specimen for our experiment. I can’t wait to tell Dr. Thorpe.
- *Don’t blink*
- *If wearing wig or extensions, take off and begin to pet and whisper ‘shhh’*
- *Talk in a baby voice*
- *Pick your nose and then inspect closely what comes out*
- *Pretend you’re a car alarm*
- *Facetime your mom and tell her that you found someone willing to marry you*